JOHN CARTER
I
Should Be A Film Critic.com ~ December 10, 2012
I SHOULD BE A FILM CRITIC!
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Throughout His Journey Through Cinema
Some
movies just don’t hit the mark they’re supposed to. This year’s horribly
named yet excellently executed sci-fi/adventure epic John Carter is, unfortunately,
one of those movies. It’s a movie that pretty much does everything right
– methodical pacing, fun action scenes, interesting story ideas, epic and
engulfing music, decent performances, and solid characters are all features
of this unique flick. Sadly, some movies are destined to not find a solid
audience, no matter how well-made they are. Who woulda thunk that a Disney-funded
sci-fi/adventure flick that’s actually pretty well made would end up being
a box office bomb?
Personally, I blame the title. John Carter is an absolutely
terrible name for this film. Anything, literally anything would have been
better than simply naming the flick after the main character of the movie.
It could have been called Mars Battle Adventures or something generic like
that and that still would have been a better name for it, because then
it at least describes what you’re getting. But John Carter? That sounds
like a damn inspirational sports movie or something, or some kind of character-based
story about some boring schmuck. It’s just NOT evocative of what kind of
movie this is. I don’t know why they didn’t just call it A Princess of
Mars, the name of the sci-fi/fantasy pulp novel written in 1917 by Edgar
Rice Burroughs which this film is adapted from. I guess having “Princess”
in the title is just WAY too gay, so they opted to take both that word
and “Mars” out of the equation – even though those are by far the most
exciting and descriptive words in the whole sentence – and just lazily
name it after the main character. The fact that the word “Mars” does NOT
appear in the title of this film is baffling to me. Why would you pass
that opportunity up?! And then you consider how the sequel – I mean, the
hypothetical sequel at this point – was going to be named John Carter of
Mars, which by all logic and reasoning should have been the name of THIS
film, if we’re changing names and shit….aggh it just really pisses me off,
because this movie totally deserved to find a wider audience and its stupid
ass name probably made people think it was about some real-life asshole
they never heard of. SUCH a wasted opportunity.
Because, my friends, despite its tepid reaction upon its
release, John Carter is actually a pretty damn fine film – it’s exciting,
it’s humorous, it’s got all kinds of crazy alien shit going on in it, and
it keeps your interest all the way through. And SOMEHOW, it actually gets
you to care about and sympathize with weird events and strange aliens (respectively)
that don’t even correlate to our planet in the slightest. If that isn’t
some good filmmaking, I don’t know what is. And hey, I’m not too surprised
about that aspect either – this movie is the live-action debut of Andrew
Stanton, a two-time Academy-Award winning computer-animated film director
of Pixar fame, specifically Finding Nemo and WALL-E. That pretty much means
that this dude is an accomplished filmmaker (even if his previous movies
technically don’t take place in reality) and can definitely be trusted
with material such as this.
So why did this film flop? Well, apart from the title problem
I’ve already addressed, I’d have to say that it’s also because this film
is pretty esoteric for the most part. It’s based on an almost 100-year
old series of sci-fi books, cost a good $275,000,000(!), and featured no
massively major stars of any real sort. It was pretty much a gamble from
the get-go. In fact, I’m not entirely sure how or why Disney even let this
film get made, and why they gave it the budget they did. I mean, they must
have believed in the subject matter if they were willing to drop THAT many
millions of dollars on it, right? A film this epic and large-scale surely
would have been a sure bet, right? Well……no. Quite simply, the lack of
any kind of public interest is the main reason this movie flopped. But
the movie itself does not suck, despite what some critics out there have
said.
Speaking of the movie, well, it’s about a guy named John
Carter (played with Indiana Jones-esque fervor by Taylor Kitsch), a Civil
War Confederate Army Captain who is accidentally transported to Mars (known
as Barsoom to the locals) via a magic medallion belonging to a mysterious
figure John ends up murdering in a cave. Due to the planet’s lower gravity
and his different bone density, John Carter is something of a Superman
on Barsoom, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and knock the
shit out of enemies with extra strength. He’s instantly picked up by some
aliens known as Tharks, whose leader Tars Tarkas (motion-captured by Willem
Dafoe) recognizes the power within this stranger. Before long, John Carter
is wrapped up in an interplanetary conspiracy and war, and must fight to
protect the residents of Barsoom from an otherwise unstoppable force.
It’s a wild setup, but then again, it’s a wild movie. John
Carter simply looks fantastic, executed with a visual style that shouldn’t
be too surprising once you realize an animated film director made the flick.
The colors are vibrant, the locations are rich, and the special effects
looks extremely realistic – you can see where that $275,000,000 of Walt’s
money went. Elaborate set pieces and costume design really drive home the
“epicness” of the project, as well as the somewhat overblown acting. If
there’s one negative thing I should say about John Carter, it’s that the
acting is just a liiiiittle bit subpar. Not so bad that it’s groan inducing,
but you can definitely tell that working with real, live actors is something
this animation guy Stanton will have to learn over time. As lavish and
elaborate as the sets and special effects are, it tends to shine a bigger
light on the somewhat mundane acting. The actors do their part, and it
doesn’t necessarily bog the movie down, but you can feel the somewhat forced
feel coming out of the performances on occasion. It’s a shame because the
rest of the movie that surrounds them is really quite vivid and wonderful.
Another slight complaint I have is that the ending feels a bit rushed and
forced…I don’t want to give too much away, but the film’s ending suffers
from the Super Mario Bros. Ending Syndrome…a setup for a sequel that just
might never be.
John Carter isn’t the game changer Disney was most
likely hoping it to be. It won’t be making any huge appearances at Disneyland
anytime soon. But, despite the fact the film probably came about 40 years
too late, it really does a good job of being solidly entertaining, and
for that I give it some credit. I’m actually pretty glad that it just exists
and is now out on home video, where perhaps it will find a new life from
people who missed it the first time around. It certainly deserves some
kind of accolades, if only just for its production design and nothing more.
But, I was very entertained while watching it, and even though I didn’t
go very in depth with this review, I highly recommend it to anyone kind
of on the fence about it. It’s worth your time, and maybe – just maybe
– there will be another one with a better title coming out soon.
Although I highly doubt it.
