First and Only Weekly Online Fanzine Devoted to the Life & Works of Edgar Rice Burroughs Since 1996 ~ Over 15,000 Web Pages in Archive presents Volume 5899

 TARZAN'S TRANSITION
IN FIVE DRABBLES
By John Martin

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ED MEETS A DRUNK

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Edgar Rice Burroughs took another careful sip of his wine and frowned at the undisciplined imbiber sitting across from him. "Don't you think we've been here long enough?" asked Ed, glancing at his watch.
"Maybe just one more little teenie weenie drinkie," said his companion. "And, I'll tell you a little story that you'll find hard to believe."
"In your condition," said Ed, "I'd have a hard time believing anything you said. But, go ahead; just make sure it's a 'little' story."
"Well, there was this here English Lord who...." the slurring drunk began.
And the rest is literary history.

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AN IRRITATION FOR ED

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"Emma, can you get that?"
Silence.
"She must be out in the garden," Ed mumbled.
Annoyed, he put down the comics and went to the door to respond to the knock. A county deputy sheriff was on the porch.
"Edgar Rice Burroughs?" he asked.
"Uh, yes," said Ed. "What seems to be the trouble, deputy?"
"Just serving this," the officer said, thrusting a subpoena into Ed's hand.
"What's this for?" said Ed.
"I don't explain 'em; I just serve 'em," said the deputy. "But I was told some guy claims you got him drunk and then stole his story idea."

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ED'S DAY IN COURT

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The judge peered judiciously at Edgar Rice Burroughs.
"The plaintiff clams you got him drunk and stole his story idea," he intoned.
"I was broke, your honor," said Ed. "He was the one buying the drinks."
The judge wrinkled his brow and went on: "He says you took notes from old colonial records that were none of your business."
Ed replied, "I believe you'll find those documents are part of the public record."
"He has an affIdavit from the Bloomstoke family saying your story embarrassed them"
"I didn't write about the Bloomstokes," said Ed. "My story was about the Greystokes."

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ED WINS -- OR DOES HE?

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"Judgment for the defendant," said the judge.
Edgar Rice Burroughs smiled. He turned to the man who had sued him and said, "No hard feelings, I hope."
"You kidding?" said the plaintiff. "I dug up all that good stuff about the apeman, and you come breezing along and make money off it."
"The thought of writing a story never even occurred to you," charged Ed.
"Well, it has now," said the plaintiff. "I'm going to write stories about your 'Tarzan' the way I think they should be written, not the way you do.
"How?" asked Ed. "I own the character."

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ED LEARNS TARZAN'S FATE

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"So, you sue me for allegedly stealing your story idea. And then, when you lose, you say you're going to write stories about my character," scowled Ed. "You're nuts."
"Am I?" the plaintiff grinned. "I'm going to write Tarzan stories that will undo everything you're established in your books. More people will know about my Tarzan than yours."
"Try it," said Ed, "and I'll have my legal hounds on you."
"I don't think so," the plaintiff sneered. "You just signed over some of your rights to Hollywood. And they hired me as the scriptwriter."
And the rest is cinematic history.