Nothing Could Be Finer
by John Martin
Some will dine with knife and fork--
And spoon (when there is soup),
These three utensils seem to work
For eating any goop.
...
Some will eat with fingers
When nibbling Ritz or Hi Ho,
But Tarzan, in the jungle,
Eats his supper raw, with gusto.
...
Tarzan doesn't bother
To create casseroles,
And sees no useful purpose
In dainty finger bowls,
...
Neither needs he napkins
For all their use implies;
When he is full he wipes off grease
From both hands on his thighs.
...
Tarzan doesn't understand
Why folks construct a pyre
And stick the meat into the flames
To char it in a fire.
...
Tarzan's steaks are warm enough
With steaming body heat
From freshly slaughtered animals,
His daily source of meat.
...
Once slain, he totes the carcass
Into a handy tree,
And eats it there while other beasts
Just have to let him be.
...
He takes his father's hunting knife
To slice him off a chunk
And sinks his teeth into the flesh
To chew a mouth-size hunk.
...
The sauce that gives it flavor
Is the life blood of the kill,
And Tarzan is in ecstasy
As he enjoys his fill.
...
Tarzan doesn't store his food
In a refrigerator.
He digs a hole and buries it
For when he's hungry later.
...
And if he happens to forget
Just where he cached his food
Another jungle animal
Will serve him just as good.
...
--By John Martin
 

WILD MAN'S LIFESTYLE INSPIRED BY ERB BOOKS

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to live in the wild like Tarzan? The late Orval Elijah Brown of West Virginia did, and he enjoyed the lifestyle -- off an on -- until he died in 2005 at the age of 97.

Brown grew up as a farm boy but had time between chores to read the books by Edgar Rice Burroughs, particularly Tarzan. So at the age of 17 he left the farm with the intention of walking to South America to live in the jungles like the ape man. He only made it as far as the Rio Grande River but that was enough to sell him on the joy of living wild and free. He hoboed around through 30 states, going to carnivals and fairs.

When he was 20, and back at the family homestead in Clay County, his behavior -- mostly walking around in nothing more than a leopard skin-style loin cloth -- drew visitors and made him a local folk hero. For 25 cents, people could have their photo taken with the Wild Man, a name that had been applied to him by locals and gladly adopted by Brown. Some days he took in as much as $30.

Some Clay County old-timers remembered the days when Brown strode up and down the town's Main Street in his loin cloth, flexing his muscles for photographers.

Brown's long life may have been the result of his physical regimen. He stayed away from sex, drugs and alcohol and exercised to maintain his physical health.

Brown had to discard his loin cloth temporarily while he spent three years in the Army, from 1930 to 1933, playing football and participating in boxing. He also served in the Navy during World War II.

He had to forgo the Tarzan garb again in 1950 when he was charged with killing his first cousin, Wilford Reedy. "He was coming at me with an ax," Brown testified, "so I shot him. He was drunk and a regular outlaw."

Brown pleaded insanity and spent 17 years in Weston State Hospital. After his discharge, he returned to farm life for 28 years, growing his own food and mostly sporting his preferred wearing apparel.

But in 1995, Brown’s health forced him to go to a veterans’ hospital in Beckley. Brown then moved to a retirement home in Roane County.

He passed away March 20, 2005.

The article accompanying this post was published Dec. 2, 1984, in The News Tribune, Tacoma.

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