ERBzine 7999a: Drabbll VI Nov 16-30 2024

TOUGH GUYS

November 16: On this day in 1940, ERB finished writing ”War on Venus,” the fourth and final installment of “Escape on Venus.” The installment was published in the March 1942 issue of Fantastic Adventures with a cover by J. Allen St. John. ESCAPE ON VENUS in ERBzine: https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0751.html

The drabble for today, “Tough Guys,” was inspired by the story, “War on Venus.”

TOUGH GUYS

Carson Napier was captured by the Pangan Army, but he worked his way into a position of authority. He ordered, “Deploy the 975th infantry to surround the city.”

His assistant, Banant, said, “I wish I could. The ones who aren’t still drunk, are hungover.”

“Drunk. I thought the 975th division was the best. I heard that they lived to fight.”

“They are, but the men like to drink, chase women, and eat raw meat as much as they like to fight.”

“Sounds like they could find everything they like to do in any bar on the south side of Chicago.”

REDUCE THE REDUCTION

November 17: On this day in 1936, the Whitman Big Little Book # 1002, “The Return of Tarzan,” was published. The book cover was by Rex Maxon and the interior was abridged from the 1828 newspaper daily comic strip and included 209 interior illustrations by Maxon. RETURN OF TARZAN in ERBzine https://www.erbzine.com/mag4/0484.html
The drabble for today, “Reduce the Reduction,” was inspired by the publication of the Big Little Book.

REDUCE THE REDUCTION

John Coleman Burroughs said, “Dad, a copy of the new Big Little Book, The Return of Tarzan” arrived today. It’s like a Reader’s Digest version of the Rex Maxon newspaper comic strip adaption.”

Edgar Rice Burroughs read through the small book. “Wow. The newspaper comic adapted and condensed my novel for the newspapers.”

“Dad, this only includes half of the daily newspaper strips.”

“I know. A reduced adaption of a reduced adaption. I could have saved them the trouble and written a shorter novel. “Tarzan left and he returned.” At five cents a word, I’d have been paid twenty-five cents.’

TWO BITS, FOUR BITS

November 18: I’m still catching up. My wife, Sally, had surgery for a broken leg and has to stay off that foot until mid to late December. We’re living rough downstairs for a while. Anyway, on this day in 1893, young Rice Burroughs played halfback for the Michigan Military Academy. They beat Ypsilantii 36 – 22. I haven’t been able to find a Ypsilanti academy, college or university with that name. However, Michigan State Normal School opened in Ypsilanti in 1853 and it became Michigan State Normal College in 1899 and is now known as Eastern Michigan University. The football team is now called the Eagles.

Here's a link to the team’s 1893 record and the game with Ed’s team is listed therein. They were then known as the Michigan State Normal Normalites. The coach was Earnest P. Goodrich.

Info about ERB’s football career: https://www.erbzine.com/mag9/0949.html

The drabble for today, inspired by that game, is “Two Bits, Four Bits."

TWO BITS, FOUR BITS
Edgar Rice Burroughs fumbled. Coach Goodrich called timeout and yelled at Edgar Rice Burroughs. “Where’s your head, Ed? You got one job. Don’t fumble. Everything else is window dressing.”

“Sorry, coach. I'd rather be playing quarterback.”

“I need you at halfback today. Power football. Head down, ball secure, and move the ball.”

When his team got the ball back, Ed lost ten yards on the first play and five on the second. Thankfully, halftime stopped the embarrassment.

Ed complained, “Sorry coach. I guess I’m just not used to playing halfback.”

“I’ve been watching. You aren’t playing halfback. You’re playing half-assed.”

CAT SCRATCH FEVER

November 19: On this day twenty-five years ago in 1989, the Gray Morrow illustrated and Don Kraar scripted Sunday Tarzan comic arc, New Age, began. The story ran for twelve weeks.

Read the entire story at; https://www.erbzine.com/mag35/3531.html

Tarzan, Jane, Korak, and Mariam visit the location where Tarzan was born. The encounter Wade and Lurlene Garland, founders of the Organic Living Movement. The Garlands are Jim and Tammy Faye in appearance and behavior. Korak saved one of their followers from a leopard.

Tarzan immediately identified the movement as a scam. Wade planned to disappear into the juggle with millions in diamonds while Lurlene played the grieving widow. Lurlene claimed her husband was killed by a lion. Tarzan said, “Not in this part of Africa.”

“No, it was a tiger.” Tarzan observed that there are no tigers in Africa.”

Wade was captured by mercenaries who plan to kill him and divide up his illegal diamonds. Tarzan and Korak, save Wade, only to turn the conman and the blood diamonds over to the authorities.

The 100 word drabble for today, “Cat Scratch Fever,” was inspired by the story arc and a secret agent who kept his phone in his shoe.

CAT SCRATCH FEVER

Lulene Garland and her husband, Wade, had founded a fraudulent cult and scammed millions from deluded followers. Wade converted the cash into diamonds and said, “Tell everyone that I was killed. I’ll meet you in Johannesburg.”

Lurlene ran to Tarzan. “My husband was killed by a tiger.”

“There are no tigers in Africa.”

“Would you believe that he was killed by a lion.”

“No lions around here.”

“Would you believe a drunken bobcat ran over him.”

“Bobcats are American and they can’t drive.”

“How about a Siamese cat coughed a furball into his coffee and Wade passed out in disgust.”

BETTER THAN ZERO

November 20: On this day in 1946, Edgar Rice Burroughs’ agent, Michael Mills, suggest that ERB Inc. reprint 26 titles and price them at $1.00 or $1.25. Whether or not this suggest resulted in the 1948 reprint editions is a matter of conjecture. ERB Inc. reprinted twenty-two titles in the Tarzan, Barsoom, and Venus series on March 26, 1948. https://www.ERBzine.com/chaser

The drabble for today, “Better Than Zero,” is a fictional interpretation of that conversation.

BETTER THAN ZERO

Michael Mills said, ‘Gentlemen, we should stop letting Grosset & Dunlap reprint Ed’s books. Their contract expires for 27 titles shortly. Publish them yourself.”

“Michael, which books?”

“Go with the big guns. Tarzan, John Carter, and Venus.”

“Not Pellucidar?”

“No, I’ve got an underground publisher interested in those books.”

Ed asked, “Have you considered pricing?”

“Yes,” said Michael. “I’m thinking $1.00 or $1.25. After all costs, you’ll make about twenty cents a book. My research says that price point is competitive. ”

“Doesn't seem like very much money.”

“Well, it’s twenty cents more than you’ll make if you don’t do it.”

FAMILY CHRISTMAS

November 21: On this day in 1982, the Mike Grell Tarzan Sunday story arc, Christmas with Meriem, began. There were twelve installments and the story ended on February 6, 1983, the Sunday after the Redskins beat the Dolphins in Super Bowl #17.

Read the entire story at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag29/2974.html

While the Greystoke family prepares to celebrate Christmas, trouble is brewing in the jungle. After losing a fight for the female, Teeka, the Mangani, Zu-Gash, is banished. As the holiday approaches, the great ape steals Meriem, planning to make her his mate. Tarzan and Korak pursue and Tarzan is forced to kill Zu-gash to save Meriem. And they all lived happily ever after, well except for Zu-Gash. He was dead.

The drabble for today, Family Christmas, was inspired by the story arc and Christmas songs by Bing Crosby, Mariah Carey and Gwen Stefani.

FAMILY CHRISTMAS

Just before Christmas, Meriem, Korak’s wife. was stolen by the great ape, Zu-gash, who planned to mate with her. Tarzan and Korak pursued and rescued her.

Meriem said, “Thank you. I didn’t get you anything for Christmas. I was busy being kidnapped.”

Korak replied, “I don’t want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. Don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas Tree. All I want for Christmas is you.”

Meriem smiled, “I’ll be home for Christmas. You can count on me.”

Korak hugged her. I wanna thank you, baby. You make it feel like Christmas.”

MEMORIES

November 22: On this day in 1888, Tarzan was born – according to writer Philip Jose Farmer, and he should know, after all, he interviewed Lord Greystoke. Philip authored the biography, “Tarzan Alive.”

There's a wealth of information about Farmer at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag0/0065.html

The drabble for today, "Memories," is a fictional exchange from that interview, noting of course, that Greystoke is not Tarzan’s real name.

MEMORIES
Philip asked, “When were you born?”

“I am a very old man, how old I do not know. Possibly I am a hundred, possibly more; but I cannot tell because I have never aged as other men, nor do I remember any childhood. So far as I can recollect, I have always been a man, a man of about thirty.”

“I’m pretty sure that applies to John Carter, not to you. I believe that you were born November 22, 1888.”

“Your beliefs don’t make things true. I don’t remember when I was born. I was too young to pay attention.”

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

November 23: On this day in 1917, Edgar Rice Burroughs finished writing his short story, “The Little Door.” The story presented the German soldiers of World War One as ruthless, immoral, and evil people, barely human. No publisher would touch it, calling the story a tidal wave of bloodshed, horror, and suggestion. Details about the story abound at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag51/5109.html

The story was included in the 2001 book, “Forgotten Tales of Love and Murder,” published by Guidry and Adkins. https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0734.html

The drabble for today, All the News That's Fit to Print," was inspired by that story. Note that the short story was written in the aftermath of "The Great War," when emotions, nationalism, and anger were daily fare. It is presented in that context and doesn't reflect current thinking, especially not my own.

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
The All-Story Magazine editor said, “Ed, this story isn’t what we or your fans expect. It’s horrifying. We don’t like tales of graphic pillage and rape.”

Ed replied, “It’s not that graphic. Most the bad stuff takes place off stage.”

“I disagree. I don’t think you could portray Germans any worse than you have.”

“Well, I did my best. All I know is what I read in the papers.”

“You're vilifying the Germans.”

“They’re villains whether I say so or not.”

“I understand. It’s a free country. You can write what you want, but we don’t have to print it.”

PEST CONTROL

November 24: On this day in 1913, Edgar Rice Burroughs completed writing The Mad King of Lutha, published as The Mad King by All-Story Weekly in 1914.

Mad King details at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0758.html

The drabble for today is Pest Control, and it was inspired by the story, The Mad King of Lutha and crazy people in charge everywhere, be they kings, princes, shopkeepers, or just bossy people.

PEST CONTROL

The general said, “The barbarians are at the gates. I must tell the king.”

The prime minister answered. “It’s not a good time for bad news. The cook burned his toast. The queen spilled the wine and the chambermaid tore his favorite robe. He’s been a snit all morning.”

“I don’t care.”

“Tread lightly. He put the cook into his own oven, banished the queen to the tower, and dropped the chambermaid into the privy.”

“That’s terrible. Is he mad?”

“Not really, but he was quite annoyed. People should know that it’s neve a good time to annoy the king.”

SIZING UP THE SITUATION

November 25: On this day in 1925, Edgar Rice Burroughs finished writing “Tarzan and the Ant Men.” One of my favorite novels, it was serialized by Argosy All-Story Weekly in 1924. The first edition was published by A. C. McClurg in September, 1924. Edgar Rice Burroughs Inc. recently published a new edition with a beautiful cover by Joe Jusko.

Publishing details, reviews, commentary, and numerous illustrations are available at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag4/0497.html

<> The drabble for today is “Sizing Up the Situation,” and it was inspired by the novel.

SIZING UP THE SITUATION
Tarzan confronted Adendrohahkis, king of the Minunians, a tribe of miniature humans living in Africa. “You’re so short. Barely knee high to a grasshopper.”

“Depends on whether you measure up or down. “My feet go all the way to the ground.”

“I read a little people. Fairies, elves, gnomes, and pixies.”

“You see a fairy around here and I’ll kick its Tinkerbelle butt.”

The king snarled, “You wouldn’t tease me if we were the same size.”

Tarzan laughed. ”If? If a cat could bark, it would be a dog.”

“Yea, well if big was better, brontosauruses would be in charge.”

BASELINE BEHAVIOR

November 26: On this day in 1995, the Gray Morrow illustrated and Jerry Prosser scripted Sunday comic story arc, Tarzan and the Spirit of Mokele, began. The story arc ran for sixteen weeks, longer than was the custom during the Gray Morrow years, most ran for twelve weeks.

Read the entire story at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag48/4808.html

In the story, an explorer from America arrives and wants to participate in a native ritual involving the ingestion of native plants so he can become one with the spirit of the jungle. Unfortunately, he is overcome by the spirit of Mokele and runs into the jungle where he is a danger to himself and others.

<> The drabble for today, “Baseline Behavior,” was inspired by the story arc and life in general.

BASELINE BEHAVIOR
Tarzan and a witch doctor watched the American, Mr. Greene, inhale the smoke from the hallucinatory plants. Once under their spell, Mr. Greene attacked people and fled into the jungle where he continued on a one man reign of terror. After Tarzan stopped him, the witch doctor said, “The smoke calms most men and they see beautiful visions. I don’t understand why he behaved so badly.’

Tarzan said, “Men react differently to drugs, be they alcohol, opiates, or your ritual plants. In my experience, most people don’t change all that much. A drunken or stoned jerk was already a jerk.”

ALL THE NUS

November 27: On this day in 1913, Edgar Rice Burroughs began writing “Nu of the Neocene,” the first part of “The Eternal Lover.” The Eternal Lover was published in All-Story Weekly on March 7, 1914 with a cover by Modest Stein and an interior headpiece by Fred W. Small. A. C. McClurg published the first edition in 1925 with a J. Allen St. John dust jacket.

Everything you wanted to know about the novel and its publishing history is lavishly illustrated at:

https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0759.html

Besides the title character, Nu, the story starred Victory Custer, Barney’s sister, and featured Tarzan and Jane in supporting roles.

<> The drabble for today is “All the Nus,’ inspired by the story and sense of the ridiculous.

ALL THE NUS
Tarzan asked, ‘What’s new, Victoria. Who’s your friend.”

“Nu.”

“Yes, dear. That’s what I asked. What’s new with you.”

My boyfriend is Nu. That’s his name.”

Jane smiled. “I’ve read some indigenous America tribe name their children after the first thing the mother sees. So his mother saw a gnu and she named him after the wildebeest.”

Victoria shook her head. “Not Gnu, but Nu. And he’s not new, he’s very very old.. He’s been reincarnated to be with me.”

Jane said, “Is reincarnation a thing? Tarzan, did you know people can be reincarnated?”

“It’s news to me,” said Tarzan.

IT'S A BALLOON

November 28: On this day in 1930, Metropolitan Books published the first edition of “Tarzan at the Earth’s Core.” The edition had a beautiful wraparound dust jacket by J. Allen St. John. The novel had previously been serialized in Blue Book Magazine from September 1929 through March 1930 inclusive.

In the novel, Tarzan and his Waziris travel aboard a German dirigible to the Earth’s core to rescue David Innes from subterranean pirates.

Publishing details reviews, and illustrations are available at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0721.html

The drabble for today is, “It’s a Balloon,” inspired by the novel.

IT'S A BALLOON

Muviro, the Waziri warriors’ leader look said, “Tarzan, I don’t like this balloon. I don’t like its crew. They talk funny.’

Tarzan said, “Not a balloon. Some call it a blimp or a dirigible. This one was made in Germany where it’s called a zeppelin."

“Too many words for the same thing. Call a lion a lion. This is a balloon, but it doesn’t go with the wind. I don’t like it. I’d tell the captain, but he doesn’t speak right.”

“He speaks German. The crew speaks German.”

“Why German?”

“Apparently, they’re the only ones who can pronounce zeppelin correctly.”

BLINDED BY BEAUTY

November 29: On this day in 1922. A. C. McClurg published the first edition of “The Chessmen of Mars,” the fifth book in the Barsoom series. The novel is wonderfully inventive and features the first appearances of Jetan (Martian Chess), Tara of Helium, the Kaldanes, and the Rykors. Publishing details, the rules to Jetan, and several illustrations are located at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag4/0426.html.

The idea for CHESSMEN OF MARS developed undoubtedly from Burroughs' knowledge of chess and his turning to the game for an occasional diversion. During this period his opponent at times had been his secretary, John Shea. In the prelude to "The Chessmen of Mars," with John Carter once more returning to earth, Burroughs, as his nephew, opens with a reference to the game he had been playing: 'Shea had just beaten me at chess, as usual.'

The dust jacket and eight interior plates were illustrated by J. Allen St. John.

The Kaldanes are bodiless creatures with only a head and legs/arms and the rykors are their slaves, headless bodies that the kaldanes control. When in control of a rykor, the kaldane frequently feels the needs of its body, hunger, thirst, and lust.

The drabble for today is, “Blinded by Beauty,” inspired by the novel.

BLINDED BY BEAUTY

Luud, the most powerful kaldane, controlled a perfect, but headless humanoid body, a rykor. He also held Tara of Helium prisoner. While in control of the rykor, he as was mesmerized by her beauty and driven to mate with her.

Tara refused him and they fought. She was losing, but she never gave up and Gahan of Gathol, a suiter, intervened and hit Luud in the face separating the kaldane head from the rykor body.

Tara gasped, “Is he dead?”

“No, but he’s not the first man to lose his head over a woman.”

“Are you speaking for yourself, Gahan.”

THE TIDE NEVER RESTS

November 30: On this day in 2023, Edgar Rice Burroughs Inc. published first edition of “Dark Tides of Mars” by Chris L. Adams: Chris is a member of the Board of Directors of the Burroughs Bibliophiles, the Edgar Rice Burroughs Amateur Press Association, and the management team for the page, “For the Love of All Things Edgar Rice Burroughs. I’ve been fortunate to team with him on several projects.

For more than a century, readers have been entranced by Edgar Rice Burroughs' arid red planet of Barsoom, with its valiant city states and hordes of four-armed green Martians inhabiting the dead sea bottoms, all pitted against one another in a deadly fight for survival. But what was ancient Barsoom like in its prime, before the oceans evaporated and its proud peoples were forced to construct an atmosphere factory to keep themselves alive on a dying world? Find out the answer in Dark Tides of Mars: A Novel of Barsoom by Chris L Adams, the newest volume in the Wild Adventures of Edgar Rice Burroughs series!

You can order this excellent novel from Amazon or directly from the publisher at: https://www.edgarriceburroughs.com/preorder-now-dark-tides-of-mars-a-novel-of-barsoomby-chris-l-adams/

The drabble for today, “The Tide Never Rests,” features two of the themes in the book, time and tide. Tide refers to both the oceanic ones and the ‘tides of time” – at least that’s how I read it.

THE TIDE NEVER RESTS

Dat Voga, a Barsoomian scientist and warrior, knew that the planet was dying. The oceans were gone and the air grew thinner every day. He believed the problem began sometime eons ago. He discovered a method to travel into the past where he hoped to prevent the climate catastrophe.

He arrived on the ancient shores of a might ocean. He stood watching the ocean move closer and closer. A woman said, “Step back. The high tide is deep. You’ll drown.”

“I’m not worried, I can wait. I have a time machine.”

“That’s foolish. Time and tide wait for no man.”