ERBzine 8030: Drabbles Feb 1-15 2025

“Entertainment must be a satisfying emotional experience, a stirring of the heart. We need all kinds of young men and women. People with an artist’s eye and an executive’s brain we term directors. Those wrestlers with their souls and typewriters known as authors. The beggars on horseback called actors and actresses.”

WORDS ARE GOLDEN

February 2: On this day in 1992, season 1, episode 4 of Wolf Larson’s Tarzan television series, Tarzan and the Pirate Treasure aired. The episode was the thirteenth episode filmed, but it should be noted that the filming order and the release order were not the same. The episodes were released in no discernable order.
My favorite line in the episode was “Jane is smart woman. Tarzan will protect Jane.”

You can read a summary of the episode at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag74/7457.html#13

The collage accompanying this article is from that site.

Adrian Paul, the Highlander guest starred and appeared with Wolf Larson and the amazing Lydie Denier.

The fictional drabble for today, “Words Are Golden,” is an exchange that did not appear in the episode, but it was inspired by the episode and by the search for pirate treasure, a never ending story.

WORDS ARE GOLDEN
Tarzan said, “Sir, you believe this map shows the way to treasure hidden by pirates."

Jack Travers replied, “Yes. I want it.”

“Jane says you’re a rich man. Why would you bother?”

“A man can never have too much gold or too much power.”

Mr. Travers, if that were true, why would a pirate bury his gold instead of spend it to acquire the power of which you speak?"

“I can’t answer that."

Tarzan turned to Jane. “You believe in this treasure?"

“There’s more treasure in books than buried on all the islands in the world.”

“Jane is smart woman.

NAY, IT HATH NOT GONE

February 3: On this day in 1914, Edgar Rice Burroughs’ poem, “Nay, It Hath Not Gone,” was published in the Chicago Daily Tribune. Burroughs wrote a significant amount of poetry, some under his own name and some as “Norman Bean.” A great deal of it is available at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag0/0003.html#6 . We can thank Bill Hillman for the compilation.

“Nay, It Hath Not Gone” was published under the Norman Bean byline. The drabble today is the poem, in its entirety. Enjoy.

NAY, IT HATH NOT GONE

Oh, who hath copped the Wailing Place
I ask you, dear old pal.
No Place they keep where one may weep
In sunny southern Cal.
The butcher man he robs me blind;
Robs me the grocer deft;
The brigand cruel who sells me fuel
He taketh what is left.
The garage man (accent the gar),
Unmindful of my groans,
He wrecks my car with loud Har! Har!
And later picks my bones.
And now the Wailing Place is gone
Where shall we find us rest?
Unless you say: “Come hither pray,
And weep upon my vest.”

BORN THIS WAY

February 4: On this day in 1928, another article written by Edgar Rice Burroughs about the murder trial of William Edward Hickman was published in the Los Angeles Examiner. The headline read “MURDER MEANS TO END FOR HIM, SAYS WRITER – BY EDGAR RICE BURROUGHS NOTED WRITER, CREATOR OF ‘TARZAN’ AND AUTHOR OF ‘THE WAR CHIEF’

Read the article and the rest of the articles in the articles in the series: https://www.erbzine.com/mag17/1769.html#11.

The defense planned an insanity defense. Burroughs didn’t think much of the strategy. The drabble for today is, “Born This Way,” written by Edgar Rice Burroughs and excerpted from his newspaper article published back in 1928.

BORN THIS WAY

The defense plan, in the Hickman case, of introducing such evidence as to make the crime appear so atrocious that the jury will be convinced that the Eddie Hickman of 1926 could not possibly have perpetrated it unless he had become absolutely insane.

Hickman didn’t leap from his cradle, seize a butcher knife and dismember an innocent little girl, and yet Hickman was a born murderer. To the instinctive criminal of his type, crime is merely a means to an end. It is not in itself the chief consideration, as it doubtless is in the diseased minds of the criminally insane.

ALL MEN ARE ASSES AT HEART

February 5: On this day in 1938, Argosy Weekly published the fifth installment of the Edgar Rice Burroughs’ novel, Carson of Venus, the third novel in the series. The cover illustration by V. E. Pyles illustrated “The Singing Cats of Siam” by Richard Wormser, who was writing under the pseudonym, Dave McNally. The prolific Stookie Allen and Cornell Woolrich also contributed stories. Woolrich’s effort was titled “Wild Bill Hiccup, no doubt a classic of the genre.

Details about “Carson of Venus,” its publishing history, and several illustrations: https://erbzine.com/mag7/0750.html

The 100 word drabble for today was inspired by the novel, Carson of Venus, the Chad Mitchell Trio, and George Orwell.

ALL MEN ARE ASSES AT HEART
Edgar Rice Burroughs communicated by astral projection with Carson Napier, an Earthman on Venus.
Carson said, “I finally met King Mintep, the father of Duare, my unrequited love. I told myself that he was just a man.”

Ed replied, “Right. All men are created equal, but some men are more equal than others."

“Yes, my friend, Jim, told me a rhyme for the irreverent. ‘No matter how great or mighty the throne, that which sets on it is just like your own.’”

Ed laughed. “Are you saying that all men are asses at heart?”

“I can only speak for myself.”

YOU CAN DO BETTER

February 6: On this day in 1947, the Rex Maxon Tarzan daily comic story arc, Dr. Zee, concluded. Written and drawn by Maxon, the story featured a mad scientist, maid’s in peril, floods, crocodiles, and even cavemen. 1947 was Maxon’s last year to illustrate the daily and his last panel was published in August 1947. He’d illustrated the script with a couple of short breaks since June of 1929. Read Dr. Zee at https://www.erbzine.com/mag61/6136.html,

The drabble for today, “You Can Do Better,” was inspired by Dr. Zee’s search for a man to experiment on and a song. “The Draft Dodger Rag.”

YOU CAN DO BETTER

Dr. Zee wanted a human specimen for his experiments. A young man named Phil looked good to him.

“Phil, my boy. You’re perfect. I’ll inject you with caveman genes. It’ll either kill you, or make you stronger.”

“I’m not worthy. I’m just a typical American boy from a typical American Town. I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen, eyes like a bat, my feet are flat and my asthma’s getting worse.”

“My treatment could help.’

“No, I’m addicted to a thousand drugs.”

“You sound perfect.”

“Can't touch my toes.”

“Okay, you’re out. I have to draw a line somewhere.”

A MATTER OF DEGREE

February 7: Happy Birthday to film Tarzans, Buster Crabbe and Jock Mahoney. Twenty-six years ago on this day in 1999, the Gray Morrow / Allan Gross, Tarzan Sunday story arc, Jane’s Quest, began. The story ran for 16 weeks. It was reprinted as a free handout for the 2023 Edgar Rice Burroughs Chain of Friendship Gathering.

Gray Morrow illustrated the Sunday “Funnies” for several years. Allan Gross wrote seven story arcs, “Jane’s Quest” was the first and “Tarzan and Queen Xiona” was the last, concluding on July 8, 2001. The Tarzan Sunday comic strip published its last new page less than a year later on May 19, 2002.

“Jane’s Quest” begins with Tarzan hospitalized in a coma. Trying to determine the cause, Jane returns to the jungle to research Tarzan’s past. She visits the Mangani and Opar without finding any help. She locates a witch doctor who provides her with a potion, but the hospital refuses to allow her to administer it to Tarzan. Ignoring the doctor, Jane breaks into Tarzan’s room and gives him the potion which revives him.

The entire story arc and all the strips illustrated by Gray Morrow are available on ERBzine. Here’s the link to the list: https://www.erbzine.com/mag22/2292.html

The drabble for today is, “A Matter of Degree,” inspired by the Gray Morrow illustrated and Allan Gross scripted Sunday Tarzan story arc, “Jane’s Quest.”

A MATTER OF DEGREE

Jane returned to the hospital where Tarzan was in a coma. She’d visited the jungle and obtained a potion from a witch doctor.

“This medicine will save my husband.”

“What’s in it?”

“Roots, herbs, dried insects. It was made especially for Tarzan by a friendly witch doctor.”

“Roots, herbs, crushed bugs? An untrained witch doctor? Barbaric!”

“Interesting. I explained your course of treatment to him. Intravenous medications made in a laboratory, antibiotics made from mold, synthetic opioids, and amphetamines made from who knows what?”

“And?"

“He said you were a savage administering barbaric sham medications.”

“Somedays, I’d agree with him.”

MANY HAPPY RETURNS

February 8: On this day in 1930, Actress Marcia Hathaway, the first actress to portray Jane on Australian Radio’s "Tarzan, King of the Apes” was born. She worked on the show with actor, Rod Taylor.

<>Marcia also has the distinction of being the only ‘Jane’ to be killed by a shark. It happened in Sugarloaf Bay, where she was aboard the cabin cruiser Valeeta with her fiancée and friends. With her porcelain white skin, nobody believed Marcia had ever seen the sun and they dared her to prove she could swim. So she slipped over the side of the boat into Sugarloaf Bay and into the jaws of a Bull Shark (Carcharhinus leucas).

More details about her and the Australian radio series may be found in my article, “Tarzan and Jane Down Under” - https://www.erbzine.com/mag67/6749.html

The 100 word fictional drabble for today is, “Many Happy Returns.” and while it is in extremely poor taste, it was inspired by the unfortunate demise of actress Marcia Hathaway.

MANY HAPPY RETURNS
Marcia’s girlfriend and bridesmaid, Adele, said, “I don’t believe you can swim. Show me.”

Marcia Hathaway replied. “I’m getting married Friday. I want to look my best. I don’t want to scratch my flawless skin or catch a cold or something.”

“If you can’t swim just say so.”

“I can swim, but I don’t enjoy it.”

Marcia slid into the water where she was killed by a shark.

Adele said, “Well, that went badly. She didn’t catch anything, but something certainly caught her. Do you think I can return the bridesmaid’s dress and the wedding present for full credit? “

DUM-DUM SOCIETY

February 9: On this day in 1893, Actor Stellan Windrow, who actually was the first man to portray Tarzan on screen in the 1918 film, "Tarzan of the Apes," was born.

Stellan Windrow's parents were both Swedish physicians. His mother Anna Malmqvist Holm emigrated to Chicago were she gave birth to Stellan, then divorced his father Sven Vindruvva in absentia. At the University of Chicago Stellan was an outstanding athlete (swimming, shotput, discus), took an Associate in Philosophy (1915) and was a member of Alpha Tau Omega, the Society of Tiger Head and the Blackfriars Drama Society. He worked summer jobs at Chicago's Essanay Studio and there became friends with Wallace Beery, Ruth Stonehouse and Francis X. Bushman. In 1917 he was hired by producer Bill Parsons to play the part of Tarzan, becoming the first actor ever contracted for the part. After several weeks of shooting, on Bayou Teche LA, the tree-work all but completed, the United States entered World War I and Stellan became an ensign in the navy. He attended the premiere of Tarzan of the Apes (1918) as a guest of Parsons, but was uncredited in the film even though all the shown tree-work was his.

Details about the film and Stellan are available at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag5/0503.html

The drabble for today, Dum-Dum Society was inspired by the song, “The John Birch Society,” written by Michael Brown and recorded by the Chad Mitchell Trio. The Dum-Dum Tree is where the great apes, the Mangani, meet in the Tarzan novels, so named because of the sound made when the Mangani drum on hollow logs. Thanks to my friend, Jimmie, for the idea.

DUM-DUM SOCIETY

There’s a meeting in the jungle at the big tree tonight.
Be careful when you get there, we’re spoiling for a fight.
We’re the Dum-Dum society, the Dum-Dum society
Here to save Africa from a European plot.
We only follow Tarzan, not sure how he got his name,
Whatever we choose to call him, he’s our leader all the same.
We’ve run the Belgians from the Congo
But the French are still in Chad.
Then we’ll get the British
The Bolheviks are bad.
We’re the Dum-Dum Society, the Dum-Dum society
We’ll make the Europeans wish they’d never made us mad.

ONE BAD APPLE

February 10: On this day in 1928, newspaper correspondent Edgar Rice Burroughs’ final article about the Hickman murder trial was published in LA Examiner.

The headline for the article read:

BATTLE MUST GO ON VIEW OF BURROUGHS
Best We Can Do Is Discourage Other Hickmans From Plying Trade'
Los Angeles Examiner ~ February 10, 1928
By Edgar Rice Burroughs
Noted Writer, Creator of "Tarzan" and Author of "The War Chief"

Burroughs stint as a correspondent for the Examiner foreshadowed his time during World War Two when he was the world’s oldest war correspondent.

Read all thirteen articles about the HICKMAN MURDER TRIAL at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag17/1769.html

The 100 word drabble, One Bad Apple, for today is from ERB’s final article on the trial. He wrote it at lunch while the jury deliberated.

ONE BAD APPLE

While Burroughs had no use for Hickman’s behavior, he didn’t see it as an example of the decline in the moral behavior of America’s youth.

“I’ve had experience of several generations of children through my own observation and the observations of my parents and my grandparents, as well as that of historians, and I rise up on my hind legs to observe that in all that time there has never been evidence of a finer, cleaner, more intelligent lot of rational, reasoning, right-living young people than represented by the boys and girls of America at the present time.

“It's a rank and unforgivable insult to the youth of America to suggest that Hickman is a type of any recognized form or tendency in American youth.”

MEN OF DARING

February 11: On this day in 1939, Argosy Weekly published part six of “Synthetic Men of Mars,” which featured most of the characters from “The Mastermind of Mars.” The patriotic cover illustration by G. J. Rozen featured a high steel construction worker waving at a military plane flying overhead.

The only contributor to the issue that I recognize is Stookie Allen, who wrote and illustrated 100s of short biographies for the pulps, such as Detective Fiction Weekly, Argosy, Blue Book, Foreign Legion Adventures, All-American Fiction, and Cavalier Classics. Rather than work as a conventional illustrator of published fiction, most of Stookie Allen's pulp illustrations were composed as one-page features concerning remarkable historic instances of events that were relevant to the genre of the pulp magazine. He created "Men Of Daring" for Argosy Magazine. This series was so popular, a compilation was published in 1930 by Cupples & Leon.

Detailed publishing history, several illustrations, and an electronic version of the Synthetic men of Mars are all available in color and at no charge at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0737.html

Today’s drabble, "Men of Daring,” is completely fictional as they often are, and it features a conversation between my old friends from New Orleans, Pat and John.

MEN OF DARING

John said, “Pat, I’ve been reading my old Argosy magazines. This guy, Stookie Allen, has a great series called “Men of Daring.” I wonder why he never wrote and illustrated an article about John Carter or Tarzan.”

“John, he only wrote articles about real people, almost always men who were heroes in real life.”

“Are you saying that John Carter and Tarzan aren’t heroes?”

“No, John. I’m saying that Tarzan and John Carter aren’t real."

“Pat, I’ve known them both longer than I’ve known you.”

“Imaginary Friends. They aren’t real.”

“You mustn’t say that. It would break Mama Weissmuller’s heart.”

TOO FAST FOR ME

February 12: On this day in 1914, Edgar Rice Burroughs began writing “The Lad and the Lion.” He finished the story in three weeks. “The Lad and the Lion” (1917) was the first film made of a Burroughs story and the Selig Polyscope Company paid ERB $100 per reel for this five-reeler.

Despite his considerable efforts to get film companies interested in his stories, this was the only success he had until “Tarzan of the Apes” was filmed the next year. The Lad and the Lion had the distinction of having its premiere (May 14, 1917) coincide with the print release of the story in All-Story Weekly. The film story was loosely remade in 1937 under the title “The Lion Man.”

The publishing history, the Ebook, and details about the films are all at https://www.erbzine.com /movies A good place to start is https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0760.html

The drabble for today, “Too Fast For Me,” excerpted from the May 26, 1917 review of “The Lad and the Lion.”

TOO FAST FOR ME

This is a story of narrative romance, with a most unusual setting and one of the most remarkable animal characters we’ve ever seen. We cannot say the drama kept us spellbound, not that the realistic images of the lion made us shiver, but that the audiences not so inured to the tricks of the cameras will perhaps get the real thrill intended. It is there, logically. The chief reason it did not get us was that the action was too rapid and too foreign to our sympathies, to hold us to the spot. The lion acting is real and wonderful.

ROMULUS AND REMUS

February 13: On this day in 1931, ERB wrote The Bristol Times, Bristol, England, denying plagiarizing Kipling, Wells, and Haggard. ERBzine discusses this at https://www.erbzine.com/mag70/7094.html and includes information from pages 128-133 from Irwin Porges’ “Edgar Rice Burroughs The Man Who Created Tarzan” “ in the article.

The drabble for today, “Romulus and Remus,” is 100 words attributed to the letter referenced herein.

ROMULUS AND REMUS

"English reviewers have always been particularly unkind to me. To Mr. Kipling as to Mr. Haggard I owe a debt of gratitude for having stimulated my youthful imagination and this I gladly acknowledge.

“The Mowgli theme is several years older than Mr. Kipling. It is found in the myths and legends of many peoples, the most notable, the legend of Romulus and Remus, which stimulated my imagination.

"I’m also indebted to many other masters as, doubtless, Mr. Kipling would acknowledge his debt to the vast literature that preceded him. To Mr. Wells, whom I have never read, I owe nothing."

NOBODY'S PERFECT

February 14: On this day in 1905, Edgar Rice Burroughs drew a valentine for his sister-in-law, Jessica. He titled the drawing Saint Jessica the Good and Beautiful. In 1907 he drew a series of cartoons about Jessica (Jessie) and her adventures in Europe. Several of Ed’s cartoons, most of them drawn prior to his writing career have been assembled by Bill Hillman and are available to view at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag27/2760.html

The completely fictional drabble for today, “Nobody’s Perfect,” was inspired by the several cartoons ERB illustrated featuring his sister-in-law, Jessica Hulbert. A tip of the hat to Jimmy Buffet for the punch line.

NOBODY'S PERFECT
Ed’s daughter Joan had been looking through her dad’s papers. “Father, I found dozens of your cartoons. Several of them are about Aunt Jessie. One was a Valentine Card, where you call her a saint, but several are about a European vacation. She was a wonderful woman, but strong-willed and determined. I never thought of her as a saint.”

“Strong-willed? Determined? I expect the English said the same thing about Joan of Arc.”

“No doubt, Father, but a saint? She wasn’t perfect.”

“Nobody is perfect. I’ve always known that there’s a very fine line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.”

LEFT TURN

February 15: On this day in 1934, Edgar Rice Burroughs Incorporated published the first edition of ‘Pirates of Venus,” the first book in ERB’s new Venus series. The story was previously serialized in Argosy Weekly. The six installments ran from September 17, 1932 through October 22, 1932, inclusive.

The first edition cover was by J. Allen St. John, who also drew five interior black and white illustrations. The endpapers featured a map of Amtor (Venus) by Edgar Rice Burroughs. ERB Inc. reprinted the book in 1934 and 1948 and Grosset & Dunlap also published reprints in the 1930s and 1940s. Canaveral, Ace, and Ballantine have also published editions of the novel.

All the publishing details are available at: https://www.erbzine.com/mag7/0748.html

An Earthman, Carson Napier, built a spaceship and planned to travel to Mars. He didn't allow for the moon’s gravitational pull and landed on Venus where he encountered winged humanoids, beautiful women, dangerous beasts, the secret of perpetual youth, and several civilizations which share the best and worse of systems of government found on the Earth.

The 100 word drabble for today, “Left Turn,” was inspired by “Pirates of Venus,” “Bugs Bunny, and the unfortunate “Get out of jail for the right cost” DWI scandal in Albuquerque.

LEFT TURN
Carson Napier landed his spaceship on Venus, having missed Mars by several millions of miles. The jungle was strange and the sky was covered with clouds. A beautiful woman saved him from a savage beast.

“My name’s Duare. This jungle is dangerous.”

“What’s up, Duare? I thought this was Mars.”

“What’s a Mars?”

“It’s a place not a thing, My mistake. I guess I should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque.”

“is an Albuquerque dangerous?”

“It can be. They have chupacabras, ditch witches, jackalopes, and DWIs”

“What’s a DWI?”

“About ten thousand dollars if you have the right lawyer.”